Vaginismus is a condition that causes involuntary muscle spams whenever any kind of penetration is attempted, making the vaginal muscles tighten, which can be painful and distressing. It turns normal activities like pelvic exams or tampon insertion near impossible.
Although this is a physical condition, it can be caused by emotional complexity. The person might feel insecure about the size of their vagina, had a bad sexual experience, might have a fear of pregnancy, or even vaginal trauma such as childbirth. All this together creates stress which is a principal cause of vaginismus. However, this can be both chronic or situational.
Having sex should never be a painful experience, and living with vaginismus shouldn’t stop you from enjoying sexual activities. There are many different ways to treat these conditions, and the first step is recognizing your symptoms and seeking advice from a sex therapist who can help you treat them by managing your feelings and easing any concerns. The goal is ultimately to find positions that work for you while not causing discomfort.
How to Have Sex with Vaginismus
There are some positions you can try to can soothe your soreness during sexual activity. Remember that sex is not something to jump straight into, and with a condition like vaginismus, communication is vital. Talk to your partner let them know HOW you like to be touched, create a safe space to explore with foreplay, and let you and your pelvic ease in to intercourse.
Penetrative sex is always going to be tricky when coping with this condition. However, give these different positions a try, and pay attention to what hurts, if anything, and where, so you can avoid those variations.
The Triangle Tower
This position is similar to the classic Doggie-style. With the Triangle Tower, the penetration angle is higher, which allows you to feel the pleasure you are searching for while avoiding uncomfortable sensations you may experience from a deeper penetration.
To begin, lie facing down but not completely flat. Raise the lower half of your body while keeping the top half closer to bed level while your partner aligns with you to enter gently from behind. If you feel comfortable enough, increase speed and intensity as so desired.
You can also try this position solo, getting in the same position and tranferring your weight to your non dominant side of your body. With your free arm, grab your favorite vibe or dildo, and have some fun. Modify this variation further still be practicing Kegel exercises during play.
Get on Top
Whether lying in bed, the floor, or sitting, this could be a great position for those with vaginismus. The important thing is that you penetrated partner is positioned on top, controlling the pace and depth of penetration. Try facing away from your partner in reverse cowgirl position by facing in the opposite direction, towards their legs. Tell your partner to bend their legs with feet flat on the mattress while laying down so you can get on top, using their knees for stability.
Spooning
Laying on your side will allow you to get cozy and have a better experience during penetration because it allows for a slower, controlled rhythm. Lie down on your side while your partner mirrors your body position behind you. Feel free to try increasing speed of pumping and grinding by raising your leg, allowing for easier entry access.
You can also give this variation a try your own. Lie down in the same position, inserting a vibrator at a 45 degree angle. Use pillows between your knees or behind you to support your positioning.
Sitting down
Playing with this position will also allow you to have more profound sensations during penetrative sex. Bend over the back of a chair while your partner stands behind you, gripping your back to bring each other closer, hips propped and a height level to greet their member or sex toy, and have them move towards the opening of your vagina, being mindful of nerve endings.
Lusty Lean
This is one of the best sex positions we've found for vaginismus. Standing during sex helps reduce abdominal pain as there is less pressure on your abdominal area when you are on your feet. For this position, you will want to place your hands flat on the wall while your partner stands behind you, holding your waist.
To experience this position during solo play, place a suction ended dildo at the right height for your entrance on the wall and lower yourself slowly onto the toy. Hold onto the opposing wall to maintain your balance while you ride up and down.
Try changing positions until you find one that feels comfortable an avoids any pain. However, sex is not all about penetration. If you find the aforementioned positions painful still, switching to a different technique might be worth exploring. More on that below.
Outercourse
Mutual masturbation and oral sex are fun options to please yourself and your partner. There are no shortage of positions for oral sex. It's important to let your mind be open for adventure, and to communicate your desires. Tell your partner what feels good for you, lay back and be open to a fulfilling sexual experience.
C-spot Sensations
Positions that allow clitoral stimulation can distract you from the discomfort that penetration can cause. Lie on your stomach and have your partner positioned from behind, putting their hands under your outer labia to grind and caress your clitoris. Try inviting the French Kiss Sweet Talker into your bedroom, bath or shower. You'll be happy you did!
Sex Toys for Vaginismus
If you don’t feel comfortable with a sexual partner penetrating you, there are other ways to enjoy sex with vaginismus. These sex toys for vaginismus will have you feeling at ease in the driver seat, in control of the rhythm and depth of penetration.
Womanizer Premium Clitoral Stimulator
This pleasure-delivery toy stimulates your clitoris, and it is very helpful to people who have difficulty having orgasms and for those who experience pain during sex. This toy combines gentle clitoral suction paired with vibration which will have riding waves to climax in minutes.
Eva II
It is beneficial to have a perfect discreet and wearable vibrator that will give you the arousal and stimulation you deserve. This hands-free stimulator is flexible and sits comfortably under the labia majora against the clitoris. It is designed to fit all sizes and is waterproof.
OhNut Stackable Rings
These flexible, soft, and interlocking rings control penetration depth without minimizing your pleasure. It was created for people who experience pain with deep penetration, and you can stack them as you want, remove or add them as you wish. Best used with water-based lubricants.
We-Vibe Sync Chorus
This C-shaped vibrator adjusts to its user for more or less direct G-spot stimulation, and stays in place very well once positioned. It has multiple touch-sense modes to find which setting works best for you, with ten vibration modes and levels of intensity. You can even connect to the app and control the pleasure of your partner from anywhere around the world.
It is also of critical importance to use the right lubricant to avoid extreme pain during penetration.